"These are a few of my favorite things"

Judgey judge

How quick we are to judge others based on our assumptions, I realised this today with a little tiff that mum ended up having at the market, with a shop keeper who may not have delivered as expected. Both mum n I were adamant that it was done deliberately, until I realised we should be giving the man the benefit of the doubt until he is proven guilty, till then, we don't get to judge him or say bad stuff about him. It's just wrong and shouldn't be done.

With the way my life has been, different than my mum's, I've learned to realise that it's not completely wrong to give others a little room for error, after all they are human too.
That said, I don't blame ami for her reactions, the way life had treated her is what has led her to react in the ways she does.
When I was very young, someone said "we are all a product of our circumstances" I didn't fully understand the concept back then. But now I do, with the new people I meet, it's so much easier to understand what they do and why they do it once I understand the things that they have been through. It makes life so much easier. For them and for me.
So let us all put on our grown-up pants n learn to give others some room to maneuver.
With that I bid you all good night, take care, stay happy, share love and cherish the time that you have.
Ta!

My day pictorially

It's Monday and I don't wanna go to work

Empty office at work, love the peace

Dodging extra work like

Ami says no pakoray required today

Ya Allah roza khuljaaye

Yaar ziyada kha lia ab pani ki jagha nai bachii

Yar ab b kaam keroon?

Aata b goondhna hai

That request for that late night glass of tang gets me like

Let's get some sleep before sehri

Abhi tau soi thi phir uthaa dia sehri ko

Ramazan, life and general catching up

So yeah, I've been pretty AWOL the past month and half, with exams and stuff so I thought I'd write a nice long post telling you (my nonexistent readers) about what I've been up to. First I had crazy deadlines for assignments that gave me a lot of grief. After that I had exams themselves which very nearly killed me. Right after those I had a lot of catching up to do at work which I still have, but those will last almost forever so I decided to get back to my adventures in writing. *sarcasm alert*

Currently sitting in my office waiting room, awaiting the arrival of ... (the blog was left off here on Wednesday because of my brother's arrival)

So yeah, na bijli hai na wifi hai aur na kitchen me kaam kernay ko roshni hai tau hum ne kaha wapis ajayen mukkaatib honay ap sb se. *laughs at the "aap sab" bit"

When I left the blog on Wednesday my intention was to finish it off at home only that, when I got home it was time to cook, then it was time to eat, then it was time to clean and then time to sleep, you're getting the gist of it aren't you.

Thursday and Friday were pretty much the same, yesterday I had errands to run so yeah another no show. But here I am today, with time on my hands, sitting under the one running fan in the house. Waiting for the miraculous return of bijli so I could get some work done.

Sisila yeh hai k phupo tashreef la rahi hain iftaar p. So anyone who follows me on Twitter @bhandprogramme (the handle is a story for another time) would know my take on this phuppo business, so right about now I'm visibly displeased but trying to hide it as I try to get my head screwed on straight and get this iftaari cooking.

Maslaa Baa Khudaa phuppo se nahi hai, maslaa un ki zubaan k khulne aur chalne se hai, ik aisa kaam jo aksar ghalat waqt p hojaya kertaa hai. Khair ab tau aa rahi hain, achay aur shareef musalmano ki tarha paish tau ana hoga.

In other news a piece of mine was published in this week's T Mag, on this amazing chef, Samar Husain. You guys should definitely check that out.

Apart from that, Monday blues are hitting me hard. Khair I'm off
Ta!

Heatwave and us

So the heatwave has got us all sweating like crazy and it's sort of important to highlight the things we can do to help the people around us during such testing times.
Firstly, keep yourself hydrated, with Ramazan we have very little time to fulfill our body's required quota of water. 2 liters of water keep you on top of your game.

Keep a check on the water intake of your family, keep reminding them to drink water. Keep bringing water to your elders, that's two birds with one stone, they stay hydrated and you get extra sawaab!

Remember the people that work around you, your helpers, drivers and gatekeepers, send them fruit and ORS in iftaar to help them beat the heat too.

Also, keep packets of ORS with you while you go out in the heat and distribute them in people working outside in the sun, be it the constables or construction workers. A little deed like that may go a long way for someone.

These few simple tips may keep a lot of people out of harm's way. So go ahead, do a good deed, help someone beat the heat!

Andddddd I'm Back

My companion as I write.

Ho ho ho, guess whose back, sorry about the long delay. There were exams and then deadlines and then more deadlines, so yeah I was away. But now that I'm back, I have a few reviews up my sleeve and a few other random thoughts, so stay tuned, stay cool *what with this insufferable heat wave* and try doing a few good deeds this blessed month.
See you guys around and Ta!

Gar mujhe is ka yaqee' ho: An open letter to the humanity

Faiz saab and I have this connection, one that I don't fully understand, but I fully enjoy none the less. The connection where he has somehow channeled my feelings into words so perfectly that they often leave me gob-smacked. One such piece is Gar Mujhe Is ka Yaqee' Ho. The poem to me is an open letter, a letter to humanity, filled with a profound life lesson, one that humanity needs to learn in order to survive. The lesson that if I could be a messiah, if any of us, in fact, could be a messiah we would, we would and then all will be right, then one way or the other, we would be saved by one single entity. But then that entity does not exist, our collective burden is too much, even our individual burden is too much for anyone else to bear. So no matter anyone else tries to save us, to be our savior, to be the one that comes and rescues us, they can't. But if they can't then what? Can no one ever be saved? Never be rescued? That's not true, the thing is each of us is precious, each of us is worth being saved. The catch is, the only one that can save me is me, no one else can, they can want to, they can want it really hard, they can even die trying, but they can't do it. The only one that can is me, the only one that can save you is you. So go ahead. Be your own savior, be your own messiah. No situation is too bad to not be salvaged. Go ahead, save yourself, save yourself for yourself and for the ones that love you so much had they been in the position to be able to save you they would, even if it meant that they had to sacrifice themselves for you. Go ahead, take that step, its always worth it.
Leaving you with the poetry and one better, I'm also leaving you the audio link to Tina Sani's mesmerizing voice singing the amazing poetry, so take a look, take a listen, feel important enough to take that first step towards saving you.

 

Gar mujhey iska yaqee’ ho
Mere humdum, mere dost.

Gar mujhey iska yaqeen ho
Ke tere dil ki thakan,
Teri ankhoon ki udasi, tere seeney ki jalan,
Meri diljoi, mere pyar se mit jaey gee.
Gar mera harf-e-tasalli
Voh dava ho, jis se
Ji uthey phir se tera ujd.ra hoa bai_noor diyar
Teri paishanee se dhul jain yeh tazleel ka daagh
Teri beemar javani ko shifa ho jaey.

Gar mujhey iska yaqeen ho
Mere humdum mere dost.

Rooz-o-shab, shaam-o-sehar
Main tujhey bhelata rahoon
Main tujhey geet sunata rahoon
Halkey sheereen
Absharoon ke, baharoon ke, chaman_zaroon ke geet
Amad-e-subh ke, mehtaab ke, sayyaroon ke geet
Tujh se main husn-o-mohabbat ki hikayaat kahoon
Jaisey maghroor haseenaoon ke barfaab se jism
Garm hathoon ki hararat se pighal jatey hain
Jaisey ik chehrey ke Thaihrey hoey manoos naqoosh
Dekhtey dekhtey he badal jatey hain
Kis tarah aariz-e-mehboob ka shafaf baloor
Yakbayak baada-e-ahmer se dekhak jata hai
Kaisey gulcheen ke liye jhuktee hai Khud jhuktee hai shaakh-e-gulaab
Jis tarah raat ka aiwaan mehak jata hai
Yoonhee gata rahoon, gata rahoon, tere Khatir
Geet bunta rahoon, baitha rahoo, tere khatir

Par mere geet tere dukh ka madava he nahi
Naghma jarrah nahi, moonis-o-gum_Khuwar sahi
Geet nashtar to nahi, marham-e-azar sahi
Tere azar ka charaa nahi
Nashtar ke siva aur ik safaak maseeha
Mere qabzey main he nahi
Is jahan ke kisi zeerooh ke qabzey main nahi
Haan magar tere siva, tere siva, tere siva...

https://soundcloud.com/rabeea-arif/tina-sani-gar-mujhe-is-ka

Life, sneaking up on me...

Although I've said this before, I'm sorry for the no show, but I'm here now, with the sudden urgency of saying it all, as if I didn't I won't be able to express myself later. Without further ado I'll get to it. Has it happened to you that you are so busy with being busy that you end up being too busy. And then life hits you, right smack in the face and you're stunned. Something like that happened to me this week, making me realize that I can't just take the expressway to hell by concentrating on work, the fact that I needed a lifestyle shift. I do not need a different life, I just need a different approach to living it. I need to do it because there are things that are important, that need to be done. I need to waste less time worrying about work and spend more of it on actually doing it so that I have time left to actually relax. I have spent so many hours of my life worrying that I won't have time, when I could have spent them working and then having actual time.
I need to stop stressing over things that cannot be controlled and start working on things that can, to exert control over life than to let it run free and wild. So that's where I've been. Trying to fix my life. Trying to keep that inevitable train crash to occur. I have no idea why I needed to put all of this out into the void, but I did, maybe the knowledge was too much to bear. That happens too, sometimes saying it, telling someone helps more than I would ever understand until I do.
I think the last sentence did not make any sense, but I'll just leave it there anyway.

That's all for this post. Ta!

I wonder what it feels like

I wonder what it feels like to wake up one day and have nothing to do, no task, no boxes to check, no places to be at no people to meet. To have nothing to do. To have the luxury called time. To wake up early and go for a run, to come back home and prepare a leisurely breakfast for yourself, then to dress up just the way you like it, take the time to take a proper bath and do your hair, do your nails take the pains of winging your eyeliner and triple coating your lipstick, just for you. The luxury of going out and window shopping, mindlessly wandering in and out of stores and trying on shoes without worrying about the ticking clock and places to be at and people to meet.
I wonder what it feels like. The luxury of having lunch alone at a bistro, ordering a meal and then not feeling anxious for it to arrive, smiling at the waiter and thanking him for his service. Then going ahead and ordering dessert because you have nowhere to be at and no one to meet.
I wonder what it feels like to come home in the evening and not have a pile of work to do, to simply change and browse through the movie channels until you finally find something you actually want to watch, to not have to stick with the news for the movies are long and you don't have time. I wonder what it feels like to know that you have no where to go and no one to meet.
I wonder what it feels like to get into the kitchen and take your time in preparing a meal just for one, having fun while you're at it. Then taking the time to properly set the table for yourself and to sit and eat at peace, enjoying every bite, enjoying the solitude. No stress and no clock ticking for you have nowhere to be at and no one to meet.
  I wonder what it feels like to painlessly clean the kitchen up and do the dishes knowing that its only 10 and there is plenty of time to unwind for you have nowhere to be at and no one to meet. Then to curl up on the sofa with a nice cup of tea and your new book and to have the pleasure of reading until you're groggy for you have nowhere to be at and no one to meet.
I wonder what it feels like to take a hot shower, clean off your nail paint, to moisturize properly and untangle your hair, to take the time out for your own self for you have nowhere to be at and no one to meet.
to be in bed at 12 knowing you will get a good eight hours of sleep and have nowhere to be at and no one to meet.

I'll take that, I'll take that in a heartbeat for I have a lot of places to be at and a lot of people to meet. I have a lot of pretenses to keep. But then I stop and wonder, how long will I be able to live that life, the life where I have no where to be at and no one to meet?
 

The no show and profound life lessons

So do I dare apologize? The thing is I had a hard week, I know that's hardly an excuse to be going back on my word but I feel a halfhearted attempt at a conversation is worse than a no show. So, apologies but no promises, not until the end of May, for the exams are around the corner and so are a few deadline at work. So my appearances might not find a regular pattern, though I do hope that when I do show up around here, I come up with something meaningful.

So for today's story, I was in class the other day, we're discussing "Death of a Salesman" these days and its indeed a tragedy. The life of an ordinary man often is. While discussing the play a memory took over, a memory that had not been remembered for a long time.
Back in school days, (I used to be in the afternoon shift, I wonder if that's where I get my "lazy brain" attitude?) and in the evening, sitting in my van I used to se an old uncle drive by in a cherry red RX8. He had white hair and a beard, always had a polo shirt and Rays on. The kids all around me used to giggle and point, point at the really old man driving the RX8. Me? I used to wonder how long and hard that old man would have had to work to own that car. So I was happy for him, genuinely happy that he had the pleasure of enjoying that cherry red RX8 that probably had worked years for.
The point I'm trying to make is that many of us spend our lives striving for goals that we later realize we are too old for. So this post is a shout out, to all the people out there that dared to achieve those goals and enjoy them, for they deserve it.
And to all my younger pals, stop the giggling and pointing, they didn't have it easy like we do, they worked hard for what they have.

That's it for today, I had other things to share but the mood has taken a sudden dip vuz of unforseen circumstances so gotta go.
Ta!

Dissapearing acts and enlightening conversations

Okay so yeah, I know I should drop the disappearing acts, I promised myself consistency when I started this, I need to go ahead and prove to myself that I am capable of it. So here's to trying to be consistent. But I hope the narrative that follows is worth the wait.

Yesterday I met a sweet man, on our way out of the university we take a rickshaw to the gate, what with the heat wave, we an barely keep our eyes open let alone walk to the gate. So we did, Samar and I, we took a rickshaw to the gate, it was an old man, we got in and said "Baba Sheik Zaid jana hai" he looked a little confused so I pointed in the general direction ad said "Udhr walay gate" he replied "Aao betho" we did and he took us to the gate. All the way we gushed at his cuteness, you see me and my friends have this thing, we love really old people. Once we got off and paid him I was about to walk away when he said "Beta shair (sheher) nai jatay?" I replied, " Jana tau Saddar hai baba par mehnga buhat perhayga" I usually take a bus home on Fridays when I don't have to go to work. Then I saw the look on his face, I was about to say, kia laingay when he said "Mai 200 me layjaoonga" I did not have the heart to say no so I just said "Acha sai hai chalet hain" and got back into the rickshaw. Once outside he said, "Beta bura na mano tau do sawaariyan rastay ki aur bithalun? 20 20 rupay hongay, mera b kharch nikaljayga." Now, I am a weird person, with personal space issues, I usually say no immediately, but to him, I couldn't. So I let him, he got two girls to ride with us till Sabzi Mandi, I resented their presence all the way, when they got off they said "Thank you baba!" and he replied, "Beta, shuqria mera nai, in ka kero, yeh mana kerdaiti tau mai kese leta sawaari, hum dono ka bhala kea inho ne." They turned to me and said "Shuqria aapka" I could barely mumble "Koi baat nai" and then we left, a while later the babaji said "Mai roz 11 bajay nikal jata hu university se, aaj larkay agayay, shagird hain mere, mai ne sikhaya hai dhanda unhe, baten kertay kertay waqt ka hi ni pata chala, zahir hai kabhi kabhi tau miltay hain, phir baten b buhat hoti hain kernay ko. Phir tum aai tau pata ni kia aai dimagh me k is beti se puch loon, ho sakta hai jana ho isay usi tarf, tau puch lea, ab dekho mera kharch nikal gaya, patrol (petrol) p chalata hu gaari k awaaz na keray, mehnga perhta hai par sawaari ko sakoon tau milta hai. beta sakoon sab kuch hai, who na ho tau sab bekaar." I kept listening and saying  "ji" at regular intervals, lost in my own thought, wondering how much of a sacrifice he must be making just so people could travel in relative peace. I don't know why, but I managed to take a picture of him, maybe I knew this would be a story worth telling.I kept thinking until it was time to get off, he couldn't take me home as he had to go to garden, where he lived. I didn't mind being dropped off at Saddar on the way, I didn't tell him that I had to go farther, I wanted to return him the favor, give him relative peace, let him get home, be safe, rest a little. "Buhat shuqria baba" I said and got off, walking away before I took the next rickshaw home. That man, that wise old man taught me a  valuable life lesson, "Sukoon sab kuch hota hai beta, who na ho tau sab kuch bekaar"

There isn't much I could add to this, so, stay safe.
Ta!

The Rickshaw Wala Uncle

 

And so another work week ends

First of all, sorry about the two day disappearance, I vowed to myself that I won't let these happen, but they did. The two days were mostly uneventful, did meet a great woman on Tuesday though, Samar Hussein. You'll learn more about her in the feature that'd appear in my magazine soon!
Apart from that my days were irksome and tiresome. I had a few outbursts, nothing seriously damaging though.
Now for today's thing, I'm having my first ever sleepover, as in I've literally never stayed over at anyone's place without my mum, ever! Talk about being the baby of the family.
By baby I mean the youngest, not the most pampered, make no mistake! My family doesn't do pampered. They do "work cuz you need to learn" and "you're the youngest so go fetch" and then when you ask to go out with friends they do "You're too young". So yeah you're old enough to do stuff, unless you're asking to do fun stuff in which case you're too young! Always.
I thank God for the fact that I'm treated that way most of the time though, it saves me from a lot of trouble. At work though I love the fact that I have a bit of authority, it helps a bit, even surprises me sometime. I'm literally surprised when stuff is done sometimes simply cuz I asked for it, but it's fun indeed.

Apart from that it's all good, expect a long nice blog tomorrow, for now, I gotta sleep.
 Ta!h

Humph Grump Grump

Okay so I'm in a Monday mood, I have been, all day. I've tried snapping out of it a number of times and failed, mostly ended up simply "snapping", sometimes at people really care about. I'm sorry for that, I know it's none of their fault, it's just my mood. Usually I try and find a way to fix it or to excuse myself from society, which is the safer option. The problem today, however, was that I wanted company today, I wanted it but I didn't want it, get it? 

You probably don't, neither do I really, I am mostly just pretending to know what's up with me so that I could sufficiently make up excuses for my behaviour. I guess what I'm trying to do here is say I'm sorry, to everyone who has put up with me despite my utter rudeness! 

That said, I'd like to say a little thank you prayer  for the fact that I have such crazy people in my life who are there, no matter what, people who don't pick and choose, they just accept me as I am and stick around! Thank you, for being here through thick and thin!

I guess this is all I have for today, hoping for better spirits tomorrow!

Ta!

The love of language and other thoughts

Have you ever fallen in love with a word? Loved the sound of it so much, you simply started finding ways to use it in conversation, it happens with me a lot. It doesn't even have to be a fancy word, it just has to be a word that sounds pretty to me, I mean how pretty is the word tweak? I wanted to "tweak" my presentation. I want to "tweak" the recipe a bit. Enunciate, another word I love I know a weird choice but I just love the sound of it, "Enunciate your words"

My sister walked into the room as I was typing this so I took her input and she loves the sound of the word "doodle", it is a very cute word indeed, I like the sound of it too, its warm.

Then there are those words that are enchanting within themselves, words like "Enchanting", see what I did there? Enthralled, a friend says is an amazing word. My personal favorite is betrothed, it is so much more regal so say "My betrothed" rather than "My fiancée".

Its not even just English, I used to love saying "matala abr'alood hai" (the atmosphere is humid) as a kid, I used to hear the announcers at PTV News say it a lot. The best part is I didn't even know what matala or abr'alood is I just loved the sound of the words. I love words like, unsiyat, rafaqat, kashf, tanhaai, zarafat, taaluq, balooghat... Yes, yes! I know I got carried away, I just love words. There are even some names that just make me smile, that always did, you see those names that youlisten to and in your head you say "Apni aulaad ka rakhu gi yeh naam", now I don't know if that's just a me thing or just a woman thing or everyone does it. So back to the names, Eemaan, I just adore the name, Kaashif, Jaffer, Sanober, Aamna, Abdullah, Zaeem, Sarah, I just love the sound of these names and many others. Now I know what people who, might, hypothetically, be reading this would be saying, no I don't plan to have as many children as the number of names mentioned, these are just names I love. Oh and while we are on the topic of names, I have got to thank my parents for taking the time out and giving me an unusual name, Hurmat, I love hearing the sound of it. So there's that, my love of language, explained, now to the other stuff.

Have you ever ached for a place you have never been to? Just felt a longing (another word I love), an ache to just go there, be there, experience that place. It's been happening to me a lot these days, I wonder why?

Now for sharing some dread, I hate Mondays, specially because there is bad food for lunch at the cafeteria at work and then there's just the general feeling of hatred towards it because its the day after the weekend.

So the magazine did a story on zoos in Pakistan this week and we got some cute pictures of animals from the Islamabad and Lahore Zoo. I'd like to leave you with one particular picture that I loved so much I asked for a copy of it to keep in my phone.

Photo Credit: Shafiq Malik, Lahore.

This is one of the happiest pictures I have ever come across. A teddy having a bath!

On this, rather cheerful note, I should be off. May your Monday be happy and less stressful than mine. See you guys tomorrow.

Ta!

 

Unicorns farting rainbows...

First of all, HAH! In your face, everyone who thought I won't post tonight, here I am!

Now to my shenanigans, let me tell you an open secret, I'm not an optimist, I'm fully and devoutly a pessimist, which I often try to mask as practicality! I know, makes me feel like a piece of shit too! :P aammmm no, actually it doesn't, I feel quite good about the fact that I know who I am and what I'm like. So then, the question arises, if I'm such a pessimist why do I give people good optimistic advice? Why not lure them into the dark with me?

The simple answer is, I don't want others to suffer, I don't want others to be miserable while they still have a fighting chance, I do it because I wish someone had done it for me! So yes I talk about hope, I talk about everything that's nice and pretty, I talk about "unicorns farting rainbows" a term I invented, which means talk about far fetched happy stuff cuz reality sucks. So yeah, that's that!

 That said, no I don't need a psychiatrist, I'm perfectly sane, I have a sense of humour, I enjoy the good stuff, I bear the bad stuff, the only thing is, I am not under the delusion that if I be happy enough or optimistic enough, the world won't end, that if I do enough good deeds I won't die, nope. I know that whatever I do, there will be disaster, there will be pain, there will be sorrow, because the world is an unfair place, cuz if it wasn't why would we ever strive for heaven?

So yeah maybe I am a realist piece of shit, maybe I'm not, either way, we are all going to die!

That said, laugh while you can, live the life that you have, make plans, watch them fail, then go ahead and make new ones!

What's more? I had a pretty nice day, had a laugh at a few people's expense, not sorry about it cuz they sort of deserved it! Painted some, and read an incredibly funny book, oh and cursed mother nature for her painful message delivery system, the people who know what I'm talking about will get the picture.

That's all for today, until next time, live a little before you die!

Ta!